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As a new mother, you’ve probably noticed that taking care of yourself and a new baby at the same time is next to impossible. How are you supposed to make sure you are getting what you need to thrive when you are on call 24/7, responsible for keeping a new human being alive and happy? It’s no wonder that […]
As a new mother, you’ve probably noticed that taking care of yourself and a new baby at the same time is next to impossible. How are you supposed to make sure you are getting what you need to thrive when you are on call 24/7, responsible for keeping a new human being alive and happy?
It’s no wonder that so many new moms feel emotional and completely overwhelmed. You know you need a break, but then you feel guilty about even needing one.
Relax.
It’s very okay to ask for help. And here are some ways you can do it:
Be Realistic
Yes, you’re a mother now, but you are still an individual that has her own needs. Recognize that being a great mother has nothing to do with being a superhero. Never feel you have to go it alone. Be realistic and understand that everyone needs help now and then.
Be Honest
Stop trying to be the greatest mother who has ever lived and do everything by yourself. When a family member or friend asks how you’re doing, be honest with them. Let your loved ones know you are feeling exhausted and stressed and could use some help.
Have someone watch your baby for an hour so you can get out of the house. Or have them watch the baby so you can simply clean the house.
You may also want to keep a list of household tasks posted somewhere, such as laundry, washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, and have your loved one pick something from the list to take off your plate.
Be Flexible
When asking others for help, make it known that you appreciate others are busy and you would be happy to get their help whenever works for them. If this means the recycling doesn’t get packed up and taken to the center until Wednesday afternoon, that’s fine. If you’re the one asking for help, you’ll have to be a bit flexible with WHEN you receive it.
Be Safe
If you are suffering from postpartum symptoms it is incredibly important that you ask for help. Lingering feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, fatigue, and hopelessness need to be addressed.
If you or a loved is suffering from postpartum depression and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
‘The spark’ is a phrase that’s used a lot when it comes to romantic relationships. In fact, you might have felt ‘the spark’ in the beginning of your relationship, and as a result, the early days were very exciting for you and your partner. However, like every other flame, ‘the spark’ needs to be kept […]
‘The spark’ is a phrase that’s used a lot when it comes to romantic relationships. In fact, you might have felt ‘the spark’ in the beginning of your relationship, and as a result, the early days were very exciting for you and your partner. However, like every other flame, ‘the spark’ needs to be kept alive by both partners. When you think of intimacy, you probably imagine physical attraction, and sexual relations, however, intimacy is so much more than that. It encompasses both the physical and the emotional.
At the beginning of your relationship, you just can’t seem to get enough of your partner. You want to see them all the time, and they are constantly on your mind. Naturally, romance blossoms and intimacy is high and effortless.
However, as time goes on, life sort of gets in the way. Routine and the stress of everyday living makes it almost impossible to sustain high levels of intimacy without effort. It takes practice, time and effort to keep intimacy levels high in any relationship.
Here are 5 ways to strengthen the intimacy in your relationship, and keep your flame burning hot.
1. Do exciting things together- As your relationship develops, you are bound to form a routine. However, routines become boring. Shake things up by making an effort to do really exciting things together, such as climbing a mountain, going on a vacation, taking a special class together or going bungee jumping! It will provide a much-needed breath of fresh air in your relationship and help you discover new things about each other.
2. Have deep meaningful conversations– Talk about your relationship, your current lives, plans for the future and your emotional state. Try as much as possible to be vulnerable with your partner and let them see the real you. Lack of communication and bottling up negative emotions can lead to resentment. Explore the things that make your relationship work, and strengthen your commitment to each other. Having a therapist facilitate these conversations can make them really fruitful and rewarding.
3. Be thoughtful – Intimacy isn’t always about the grand gestures. Something as simple as writing your partner a love letter or stocking up on their favorite snack can make them feel incredibly loved and appreciated.
4. Make couple time- It can be really hard to focus on one thing in today’s digital world, and sometimes we unconsciously pay more attention to our gadgets than to our lovers. At least once a week, turn off all electronic devices and participate in an activity you both enjoy. You could watch a movie, cook together or massage each other. This gives you time to enjoy each other and connect on a deeper level.
5. Express gratitude- Every night, before bed, express gratitude for one thing your partner did during the day, no matter how small or random.This will help them feel loved and appreciated.
If you would like to improve intimacy in your relationship and strengthen the bond between you and your partner, please book a relationship therapy session with me.
In June, I attended the Midwest Conference for Problem Gambling and Substance Abuse. As with every year, this conference was filled with many wonderful presentations. Two that stood out the most to me were both presented by Cam Adair, Founder of Game Quitters. I found these as being very useful and relevant to my practice […]
In June, I attended the Midwest Conference for Problem Gambling and Substance Abuse. As with every year, this conference was filled with many wonderful presentations. Two that stood out the most to me were both presented by Cam Adair, Founder of Game Quitters. I found these as being very useful and relevant to my practice as they were about issues I have frequently encountered in my practice over the years. During his presentations, I learned some very helpful information about video gaming, video game addiction, and the crossover between gambling and video gaming.
First, I must begin by pointing out why video gaming and gaming disorder is an area that needs some attention. Gaming has been exploding and continues to grow. 10% of students report gaming at least 5 hours per day. Colleges are adding Esports teams and offering scholarships for E-Sport competitors. Esports are may be included in the 2020 Olympics. Some gamers can make a living by streaming online on YouTube or Twitch. There are two billion gamers worldwide and 1-3% of gamers are addicted. As of June 18, 2018, the World Health Organization officially recognized “Gaming Disorder.” Gaming Disorder is a mental health problem, depression and anxiety being co-factors, but gaming itself is part of the problem.
Mr. Adair’s presentations spoke about the perspective of a video gamer. Gaming fulfills needs: it can be a temporary escape, it’s a social connection, gamers see constant measurable growth in a game, it is a safe place to fail, and it can give them purpose. Games are intentionally designed to keep you hooked using state of the art behavioral psychology. Games are fully immersive and provide dopamine overload. Compared to this, the rest of the world can seem very boring. Overexposure to gaming causes structural changes to your brain and numbs the pleasure response. Games can erode one’s willpower. Gamers can become desensitized to the rest of the world when compared to a video game, where you are immersed in constant action and stimulation. Video games are something where one has much more control than they ever will in the real world. For many gamers, this is their social life and as opposed to in real life, when you don’t like someone, or they are bullying you, you can block them or take other measures to reduce exposure to them. On the other hand, many gamers are on the defensive to those outside of this community because society has shamed gamers for being “lazy,” “wasting their potential,” and being told that their online friends are not their “real friends.” This has created an “us vs. them” mentality. This stigma and shame has created barriers to seeking help. Like everyone, a gamer struggling with a gaming disorder needs to feel understood and not judged.
Gaming can be a healthy recreational activity. However, it can cross over to be a problem. Here are some tips that Mr. Adair provided when battling a gaming addiction. He recommended a 90-day detox to reset the brain, break attachments to gaming, create a contrast, and build new habits. He suggested to fill the void that stopping gaming has left with three types of activities. 1) something that is mentally engaging (such as learning a new skill), 2) resting (at home), and 3) new social activity (make new friends outside of gaming). He suggested adding structure with a daily agenda. Create a system of accountability and support. Family and friends would be great for this. Another option is www.gamequitters.com. Remove gaming devices from the bedroom. Block access to games, apps, and other problematic websites. For parents: stay firm and consistent in setting boundaries. Require exercise and homework to be complete before being allowed to game. When you are still gaming, mix it up by playing less than two hours at a time and not playing every day. Find an alternative to YouTube or gaming after school before doing homework. When trying to cut back from gaming or stopping gaming altogether, expect as with any addiction, that there will be compulsions to play, cravings, and withdrawal, especially in the form of boredom. Stopping gaming will mean losing friends, conversation topics, loss of the “gamer” identity, nostalgia to play, and struggles with time management.
Where gaming is crossing the line into gambling is in the form of something called “loot boxes.” These loot boxes are something that players can purchase and they can contain anything from simple customization options for a player’s avatar or character to game-changing equipment such as weapons and armor. They don’t know what’s in these loot boxes, but they’re spending money with the chance of winning something of value. This is the definition of gambling. These are found in many free-to-play games, yet individuals are spending large quantities of money at times to obtain these loot boxes. Fortnite, a popular game has made over $1 billion in less than a year. So, not only can video games become addictive, causing negative affects on one’s life, but it can also cause significant financial loss, much like gambling.
The Nebraska Gamblers Assistance Program (GAP) pays for confidential counseling with certified problem gambling providers to Nebraskans and their families who suffer a gambling addiction.
A list of all GAP-certified counselors in Nebraska is located at
problemgambling.nebraska.gov
GAP 24/7 Helpline – Call 1-800-522-4700
This presentation is sponsored by and paid for by the Nebraska Gamblers Assistance Program
Gambling can be a fun activity for many people. However, 2-3% of U.S. citizens are reported to have a problem with gambling. Here are some ways to minimize your risk of gambling becoming a problem for you: Always gamble with a predetermined amount of money that you can afford to lose Set limits on time […]
Gambling can be a fun activity for many people. However, 2-3% of U.S. citizens are reported to have a problem with gambling. Here are some ways to minimize your risk of gambling becoming a problem for you:
Always gamble with a predetermined amount of money that you can afford to lose
Set limits on time you have available to gamble, both duration and frequency
Gamble for fun, not to win money
Gamble only with money set aside for your entertainment budget
Balance recreational gambling with other healthy hobbies and activities
Know the risks before you bet
Keep gambling a social activity
Bet only what you can afford to lose
Know when to quit, don’t chase your losses
Realize that knowing more won’t guarantee a win
Never borrow money to gamble with
Understand that everyone loses over time
Play for fun, not just for money
Never gamble when stressed, depressed, or in recovery
Don’t play to escape
Avoid mixing gambling with alcohol or other substances
Know what’s legal to play in your area and avoid gambling illegally
Know where to get help if you need it
The Nebraska Gamblers Assistance Program (GAP) pays for confidential counseling with certified problem gambling providers to Nebraskans and their families who suffer a gambling addiction.
A list of all GAP-certified counselors in Nebraska is located at problemgambling.nebraska.gov
GAP 24/7 Helpline – Call 1-800-522-4700
This presentation is sponsored by and paid for by the Nebraska Gamblers Assistance Program
March is National Problem Gambling Awareness Month. Gambling is all around us and part of our mainstream culture. It’s in the workplace, our restaurants, gas stations, and conveniently online. Gambling itself is not a problem, but it can and has become a problem for some. Problem gambling does not discriminate. It can affect those of […]
March is National Problem Gambling Awareness Month.
Gambling is all around us and part of our mainstream culture. It’s in the workplace, our restaurants, gas stations, and conveniently online. Gambling itself is not a problem, but it can and has become a problem for some. Problem gambling does not discriminate. It can affect those of all genders, socioeconomic status, race, age, educational levels, etc. However, there are some factors that may put some at higher risk of developing a problem with gambling. Those suffering from mental health disorders or substance abuse disorders are at higher risk, especially personality disorders, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or ADHD. Younger and middle-aged people are at higher risk. Men are at higher risk than women, but women who begin later in life tend to become addicted more quickly. Having friends or family members who gamble increases the risk. Personality characteristics such as being highly competitive, a workaholic, impulsive, restless or easily bored may increase your risk of compulsive gambling.
Who does problem gambling affect?
It can negatively impact not only the gambler and their mental health, but also their family, their workplace, their friends, their financial obligations, and even our legal system as individuals sometimes commit financial crimes due to their gambling problem.
How do I know if someone I care about may have a gambling problem?
Source: the Mayo Clinic
If you are concerned about yourself or someone you know, the Nebraska Gamblers Assistance Program (GAP) pays for confidential counseling with certified problem gambling providers to Nebraskans and their families who suffer a gambling addiction.