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    Yes, New Fathers Suffer from Depression Too!

    January 16, 2021

    Having a baby is an event that typically brings a lot of joy and excitement for couples. However, roughly 60% of new mothers suffer from postpartum depression (PPD), with symptoms being either moderate or severe. Fortunately, PPD is a common health issue with much discussion and content outlining the symptoms and treatment. What’s not commonly […]

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    Yes, New Fathers Suffer from Depression Too!

    Having a baby is an event that typically brings a lot of joy and excitement for couples. However, roughly 60% of new mothers suffer from postpartum depression (PPD), with symptoms being either moderate or severe. Fortunately, PPD is a common health issue with much discussion and content outlining the symptoms and treatment.

    What’s not commonly discussed is that new fathers can absolutely suffer from depression as well. While this depression is usually caused by stress and lack of sleep, and not hormonal shifts, the fact remains that men can and do suffer from PPD. In fact, according to the JAMA Network, roughly 10% of new fathers suffer from PPD.

    Other research by APA has also shown that a “similar proportion” of new fathers experience some form of depression after childbirth. Since the frequency of depression is fairly similar between new mothers and new fathers, PPD can no longer be viewed as a woman’s issue.

    Because of these recent findings, researchers are now recommending that both new mothers AND new fathers (or expectant mothers and fathers) get regular screenings for signs of depression. This is especially important in new mothers and fathers with a history of mental health issues in their own past, or in their family lineage.

    Causes of Male PPD

    A study out of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas published in the Journal of Family Issues found there were a handful of common causes of PPD in new fathers:

    No Education

    Fathers simply didn’t know they could suffer from PPD and so ignored any symptoms they were experiencing, instead of focusing on supporting their partner.

    Gender Expectations

    Many men feel the need to be “manly” and act like a “tough guy” that isn’t bothered by emotions.

    Repressed Feelings

    Men are often reluctant to share their feelings, let alone seek help because of them.

    With these new findings, hopefully, more men will pay attention to how they are feeling and seek help should they feel depression creeping on.

    If you or a loved one are a new father that is suffering from PPD and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me.

     

    SOURCES:

    • https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/postpartum
    • https://happiful.com/new-fathers-suffer-from-post-natal-depression-at-similar-rates-to-mothers/
    • https://psychcentral.com/news/2019/03/09/new-fathers-can-also-fall-prey-to-postpartum-depression/143515.html

    Filed Under: Men's Issues, Parenting

    How to Practice Self-Care as a New Mother

    January 27, 2020

    While there are many surprises and challenges that await you in motherhood, one of the biggest shocks may be time management, or the feeling of being overwhelmed. No matter how happy and fulfilled you may be as a new mom, if you don’t take time out of your busy day to take care of yourself, […]

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    How to Practice Self-Care as a New Mother

    While there are many surprises and challenges that await you in motherhood, one of the biggest shocks may be time management, or the feeling of being overwhelmed. No matter how happy and fulfilled you may be as a new mom, if you don’t take time out of your busy day to take care of yourself, you’re not giving your precious baby your best self. Ensuring that you practice self-care might seem like the lowest of your priorities, but being rested and cared for yourself is an essential part of being a mom.

    While it will be challenging, it’s not impossible to make sure you take care of you. Below are some pointers that can help.

    Get Your Sleep

    While sleeping for a solid chunk of time may be a pipe dream for some, sleeping when your baby sleeps will allow you to get that much needed rest. If you’re worried that you won’t wake to baby’s cries, keep a baby monitor on your nightstand or bring the crib into your bedroom. Ignore the temptation to do chores while your baby sleeps, because it’s vital that you get your rest.

    Stay Well Dressed

    While it’s tempting to wear your maternity clothes out of convenience and to save money, it will help you feel your best to have comfortable clothes that fit. Get a couple of outfits in your size to wear until you get back to your pre-baby weight.

    Make Time to Shower

    If you neglect the simple routine of taking a shower, it will take a toll on your mental health. To make sure you shower regularly, try taking a shower when someone is home. You can also bring your baby in the bathroom with you, or take a quick shower while the baby is napping.

    Accept Help

    Regardless if you’re single or have a partner, trying to go it alone in caring for your baby is a big mistake. You may hate to ask for or accept help, but raising a baby is a lot of work. By recruiting help, you can make sure you have enough time to not only take care of the baby, but to take care of yourself. To try and do it all yourself does nothing but put unrealistic expectations on you, giving you feelings of guilt when you’re unable to accomplish the impossible. It’s important to ask for and accept help.

    Make sure your partner is making an equal effort when it comes to baby’s care, and enlist the help of family and friends. If you have a friend that loves to cook, see if they’ll cook you an occasional meal. You might also ask for help with laundry, running errands, or babysitting (even if it’s just half an hour so you can take a long hot shower.)

     

    Are you a new mom looking for parenting support and guidance? A licensed professional therapist can help. Call my office at your earliest convenience, and let’s schedule an appointment to talk.

    Filed Under: New Mother, Parenting

    Does Your Partner Have Postpartum Depression? 5 Signs to Watch

    January 20, 2020

    The birth of a new baby brings joy and wonder into our lives. But for many women, the first days and weeks after delivery are mentally and emotionally challenging. This is a result of the massive hormonal changes her body is going through. On top of these extreme hormonal shifts, there is the serious sleep […]

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    Does Your Partner Have Postpartum Depression? 5 Signs to Watch

    The birth of a new baby brings joy and wonder into our lives. But for many women, the first days and weeks after delivery are mentally and emotionally challenging. This is a result of the massive hormonal changes her body is going through.

    On top of these extreme hormonal shifts, there is the serious sleep deprivation and the cultural expectations new mothers feel to instantly bond with their babies and be “good enough.” All of this pressure can lead to some pretty difficult emotions.

    While a majority of women experience a mild depression, called the “baby blues,” roughly 5% of women will suffer a major depressive episode that can be accompanied by severe anxiety and even panic attacks.

    Are you wondering if your partner is suffering from postpartum depression? Here are 5 signs to watch for:

    1. She’s Feeling Guilty

    Does she often mention her feelings of guilt about not doing a better job? Is she putting too much pressure on herself to be perfect right out of the gate?

    2. She Finds Little Comfort in Reassurance

    It’s natural for a new mother to feel a bit anxious about the job she’s doing. But with post-partum depression, the anxiety can feel overwhelming, and even gentle reassurances from partners, parents and other loved ones bring little relief. In fact, some women even feel they are being lied to or patronized.

    3. She’s Losing Interest in Certain Things

    Post-partum depression is like other forms of depression in that the person will lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. Your partner may no longer find the same things interesting or fun. She may also lose her appetite and interest in sex.

    4. She Doesn’t Want to be Around the Baby

    It’s normal for a new mother to want others to help her care for the baby in those first few weeks. But when a new mother shows no interest in her baby and refuses to spend time with them, that is a sign that something more serious is going on. While it is hard to imagine, post-partum depression can cause women to feel no affection, and at times, even disdain, for their own baby.

    5. Thoughts of Harming Herself or the Baby

    If your partner mentions that you and the baby would be better off without her, or that she feels there is something very wrong with the baby, these are signs that must be taken seriously and immediately acted upon. According to studies, suicide is the second leading cause of death in postpartum women.

    If your partner is showing one or more of these signs, it’s important to get her help. A therapist may prescribe medication and offer tools and techniques that will help her manage her symptoms.

    If you or someone you know would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

    Filed Under: New Mother

    5 Warning Signs It’s Time to Try Couples Counseling

    January 13, 2020

    When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps […]

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    5 Warning Signs It’s Time to Try Couples Counseling

    When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps in the road every so often, other couples find themselves in bigger trouble, with neither party knowing exactly how to fix things.

    If you are in a relationship that is no longer feeling healthy, here are 5 warning signs that it may be time to try couples counseling:

    1. There is No Longer Healthy Communication

    Once you have a communication breakdown, you are unable to rationally share thoughts, feelings, and concerns with each other. Beyond this, unhealthy communication tends to leave one or both partners feeling depressed, angry and hopeless.

    2. Trust Has Been Broken

    When there has been infidelity, it is very difficult for the couple to rebuild trust and repair the damage. While there is no magic pill to recover from an affair, a therapist can offer tools and strategies to rebuild trust.

    3. You’re More Like Roommates

    If you and your partner act more like roommates than romantic partners, this indicates a lack of intimacy and a potential need for professional help.

    4. One or Both of You Has Begun Acting Out

    You try to mask your real feelings for as long as possible, but then you start to act out the hurt and resentment you may be feeling. For instance, if your partner has been unfaithful and you have agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out. But over time you find yourself lashing out, acting rude and trying to make them believe you are having an affair so they will feel the same kind of hurt. This acting out is unhealthy for both people and is a BIG indicator you need to seek some help.

    5. When the Only “Solution” Seems to be Separation/Divorce

    A break from negative energy can be very helpful to the relationship. But when a temporary break leads to more and more time away from home and someone renting their own apartment, this indicates a need for counseling. Spending time away from home usually doesn’t lead to any real resolution, just more distance.

     

    If you and your partner are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, General

    How Infidelity Affects Mental Health

    January 4, 2020

    No one ever wants to be on the receiving end of romantic betrayal. The emotional pain of discovering that someone you love and trust has been cheating and lying to you can be overwhelming. When you are the victim of massive deception and betrayal, it can leave you feeling sadness, confusion, resentment, and anger. Many […]

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    How Infidelity Affects Mental Health

    No one ever wants to be on the receiving end of romantic betrayal. The emotional pain of discovering that someone you love and trust has been cheating and lying to you can be overwhelming.

    When you are the victim of massive deception and betrayal, it can leave you feeling sadness, confusion, resentment, and anger. Many victims also feel an increase in their anxiety and a decrease in their self-esteem. But infidelity doesn’t just affect our emotional health, it also affects our mental health.

    In fact, many victims of infidelity experience the same symptoms that are linked to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), becoming totally disoriented and confused as to what has happened to them.

    Some of the classic symptoms of PTSD often experienced by those whose partners have cheated on them are:

    • Looping intrusive thoughts
    • Inability to regulate emotions
    • Out of body experiences
    • Oscillating between feeling numb and rageful
    • Hyper alert (looking for new potential threats)
    • Feeling helpless and vulnerable
    • Confusion and disorientation
    • Problems with memory and cognition
    • Lack of trust

    If you have been the victim of infidelity, then know that you, like a soldier returning from war, have been psychologically injured and you require tender care to set you on the path back to you.

    Healing from Infidelity

    As devastating as it can be to learn that your significant other has betrayed you in such an intimate way, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can pick up the pieces of your life and find joy and comfort once again.

    Here are some ways you can begin to heal after infidelity:

    Be Gentle on Yourself

    Don’t fall into the “I should have known…” trap. This is not your fault. Now is the time to be on your own side.

    Breathe Deeply

    Your emotions will be overwhelming for a little while. You will feel lost, anxious and panicky. When these feelings start to rise, STOP, take a slow deep breath and let it out. Take another one and another one. It is amazing how deep breathing can completely calm us almost instantly. Your breath will become your new best friend.

    Seek Counseling

    Remember, you’re not just healing from infidelity, you are healing from the PTSD that the infidelity caused. You will need some professional guidance to help you cope with the symptoms you are currently experiencing.

    If you would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch with me. I would be happy to help you on your journey to becoming whole and happy once again.

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, General, Issues for Women

    How to Find Friends as an Adult

    August 27, 2019

    You may remember growing up, meeting your best friend on the playground or making friends in French class. As adults, we don’t have systems built in to make friends like we did as children. We can’t even reach out to loved ones for help, because while it’s socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a […]

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    How to Find Friends as an Adult

    You may remember growing up, meeting your best friend on the playground or making friends in French class. As adults, we don’t have systems built in to make friends like we did as children. We can’t even reach out to loved ones for help, because while it’s socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a boyfriend”, its not socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a best friend.” If you want to find a friend as an adult, it’s going to be a lot like finding a romantic partner.

    Envision Your Friend

    Think about what kind of person your friend would be. Think back to your childhood friends and what made them fun to hang out with. Should your friend be extroverted or introverted? Should they love the outdoors or be a movie buff? Look for qualities in your friend similar to the way you’d look for qualities in a partner.

    Go Where Your Friend Would Be

    Now that you know what kind of person your friend would be, think about what that person would be doing. Where are they on the weekends? Where do they shop or like to go out to eat? Go to those different places. If you’re an outdoorsy person and want an outdoor-loving friend, find outdoor meetups. Try a hiking or walking group, or sign up for a new fitness class. Keep in mind as you test the waters that you won’t find your friend on your first outing. Just as when you’re looking for a partner, it takes more than just one try. It will take a bit of time and searching.

    The Big Ask

    When you’re ready to ask out your potential new friend, a great way to get a “yes” is to invite them to a favorite, or to something new. For example, invite your friend to go watch your favorite sports team or over to your house to cook your favorite recipe. You can also invite them to play a new board game, or out to watch a new movie.

    Stoke the Fire

    You’ll need to nurture your budding friendship by spending more time together. Just as in dating, take it slow and steady, and don’t take anything too seriously at first. Too much too fast could set you up for a friendship that’s not going to work, or might make the other person feel smothered.

    You can deepen the friendship by working on goals together. Find out what your friend dreams about. How can you help them meet their goals? How can they help you with yours? Maybe they can help you get ready for a summer swimsuit, and maybe you can help them organize their garage. Find ways to work on things together.

    Do you find yourself struggling in social situations? A licensed therapist can help you overcome shyness and improve your social interactions. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

    Filed Under: General, Issues for Women

    How to Ask for Help in Times of Need

    August 20, 2019

    You probably remember a time in school or out shopping when you wanted to ask for help, but stopped yourself. You might have even had a prompt from the teacher: “Does anyone have any questions?” or from an associate “Is there something I can help you with?”. Still, even when it’s their job (or their […]

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    How to Ask for Help in Times of Need

    You probably remember a time in school or out shopping when you wanted to ask for help, but stopped yourself. You might have even had a prompt from the teacher: “Does anyone have any questions?” or from an associate “Is there something I can help you with?”. Still, even when it’s their job (or their joy) to help, you might hesitate.

    It can be even more difficult when you’re going through difficult times and can really use another set of eyes or hands. If you’re overwhelmed with work and home life, or if you’re going through some tough emotional business, sometimes you just need someone to help.

    Why Is It Hard to Ask for Help?

    If you look back to your past, you might see where the roots formed that made it more difficult for you to ask for help. Your parents might have made you learn to figure things out on your own, then given you great praise when you did. As a child, you may have been met with resistance or anger when you reached out for help. Maybe you had a parent who modeled the “do it yourself” attitude, always refusing to ask for help. These early formative experiences can leave you with the impression that asking for a help is a deficiency. You might also have difficulty asking for help because you don’t want to surrender control to an outside person, or because you don’t want to feel like you “owe” anyone anything.

    How to Ask for Help

    If you have difficulty asking for help, you may have learned some less than optimal coping mechanisms over the years. You might try to make someone feel guilty or feel sorry for you. Or in your haste, you may ask the wrong person; instead of someone who would be better able to help you, you choose someone who’s more likely to say yes.

    • Be Specific: To ask for help, it’s best to be straightforward. Know in advance exactly what you need, and be specific with your request.
    • Go to the Source: Instead of going to people who are easy to talk to, or people who are more likely to help you, seek help from those whose help you need.
    • Offer an Exchange: It may be easier to ask for help if you offer something in return. For example, if you need someone to pick up your child at daycare so you can work late, offer a playdate in return.

    Are you having trouble juggling work and home life? Are you struggling to deal with some tough emotions and need some support? A licensed therapist can help. Please give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

    Filed Under: General

    Five Warning Signs of Postpartum Depression

    August 13, 2019

    Being a new mom can cause you to go through a rollercoaster of emotions. You might feel overwhelmed with love or bliss, or you might feel panicky or anxious about your responsibilities as a new mother. It’s natural to feel a variety of both positive and negative emotions, given the dramatic hormonal changes that occur […]

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    Five Warning Signs of Postpartum Depression

    Being a new mom can cause you to go through a rollercoaster
    of emotions. You might feel overwhelmed with love or bliss, or you might feel
    panicky or anxious about your responsibilities as a new mother. It’s natural to
    feel a variety of both positive and negative emotions, given the dramatic
    hormonal changes that occur following childbirth. However, if you find that
    your negative emotions are becoming unmanageable, and fear you might be
    experiencing postpartum depression, here are five warning signs to look out
    for.

     

    Lack of Interest
    Towards the Baby

    If you’re suffering from postpartum depression, you may find
    that your new role as a mother lacks joy. You may struggle to bond with your
    baby, feel overwhelmed by your new responsibilities or overall feel a lack of
    interest in your baby.

     

    Lack of Concentration

    Trouble focusing, difficulty making decisions or memory
    problems are possible signs of postpartum depression.

     

    Change in Eating or Sleeping
    Habits

    While it’s natural for eating and sleeping habits to change
    when you’re a new mom, drastic changes are a sign that something may be wrong.
    If you’re having difficulty falling or staying asleep, or are sleeping longer
    than usual, this could be a sign of postpartum depression. Eating too much or
    too little are other warning signs to look out for.

     

    Feelings of Sadness
    or Hopelessness

    Hormonal changes after childbirth will naturally cause mood
    swings that will differ from what you experienced before giving birth. However,
    if you find yourself feeling excessively sad or experiencing feelings of
    hopelessness, you may be suffering from postpartum depression.

     

    Lack of Energy and
    Motivation

    Your newfound responsibilities as a mother will naturally
    leave you tired, but overwhelming feelings of exhaustion are something to be concerned
    about. If you find that you frequently lack energy or motivation, this is a
    sign that you may be experiencing postpartum depression.

     

    If these warning signs seem familiar, you should know that
    you’re not alone: 1 in 9 new mothers has postpartum depression. Postpartum
    depression is a serious health condition, but it can be treated.

     

    Postpartum Psychosis

    In rare cases, women can have postpartum psychosis;
    experiencing symptoms such as hallucinations, delusions, obsessive or fearful
    thoughts, deep paranoia or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. If you’re
    experiencing any of these symptoms, call your doctor or 911 immediately.

     

    If you believe you’re struggling with postpartum depression,
    a licensed therapist can help teach you strategies to manage your depression
    and improve your mood. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time
    to talk.

    Filed Under: Depression, New Mother

    4 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

    August 6, 2019

    If you’re reading this blog post, chances are you and your significant other have hit a snag in the relationship. Maybe you’re spending less time with each other and you’ve grown apart. Or maybe you do little else than argue these days. All relationships go through their ups and downs. No matter the good intentions […]

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    4 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

    If you’re reading this blog post, chances are you and your significant other have hit a snag in the relationship. Maybe you’re spending less time with each other and you’ve grown apart. Or maybe you do little else than argue these days.

    All relationships go through their ups and downs. No matter the good intentions of the individuals or how in love you were when the relationship began, it is completely natural for a relationship to take a hit every now and then.

    In some ways, these trials can be a good thing. Much like you need to break down muscle to build it up stronger than it was before, many relationships can be strengthened by challenges, provided your communication is healthy.

    Here are some ways to improve communication in your relationship:

    1. Recognize the Change

    It’s important to be open and honest with yourself and each other. Don’t deny that something has changed in your relationship, admit it openly. You may also need to recognize that each of you has changed over the years. None of us stays the same. Our wants, needs, passions, annoyances, etc. change as we mature and grow as people. People can usually accommodate this change as long as they admit it has happened.

    2. Validate Each Other’s Feelings

    There are two words that are very powerful in communication, “Yes, and…” Effective communication is not about one person being right and the other wrong. Often, both people are right and allowed to feel their feelings. Try not to attack the other person or get them to compromise on issues. Instead, focus on simply being heard and hearing the other person.

    3. Be Ready to Change

    If you want to improve your communication as a means to get the other person to change their ways, you are really thinking about this communication thing all wrong! Good communication is not about winning an argument. This is not a debate class. Your goal is to better share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and struggles with each other. Don’t be so focused on getting the other person to change and focus more on how your own behavior could change.

    4. Breathe

    Managing your emotions is one of the most important skills when it comes to interpersonal interaction. How often are you ready to blow when you and your spouse or partner are speaking to each other? How does the communication breakdown once you or your partner have become emotional?

    When communicating with your partner, or anyone, should you feel your emotions rise, stop, take a slow, deep breath, and let it out. Taking this moment is important and will help you not to say something you’ll regret or that will escalate the situation.

    None of us are perfect. All we can do is try to be the best versions of ourselves we can be for ourselves and our loved ones. By following these communication tips you will be able to strengthen your relationships.

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage

    It’s Okay to Take a Break! Tips for New Moms on Asking for Help

    June 9, 2019

    As a new mother, you’ve probably noticed that taking care of yourself and a new baby at the same time is next to impossible. How are you supposed to make sure you are getting what you need to thrive when you are on call 24/7, responsible for keeping a new human being alive and happy? It’s no wonder that […]

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    It’s Okay to Take a Break! Tips for New Moms on Asking for Help

    As a new mother, you’ve probably noticed that taking care of yourself and a new baby at the same time is next to impossible. How are you supposed to make sure you are getting what you need to thrive when you are on call 24/7, responsible for keeping a new human being alive and happy?

    It’s no wonder that so many new moms feel emotional and completely overwhelmed. You know you need a break, but then you feel guilty about even needing one.

    Relax.

    It’s very okay to ask for help. And here are some ways you can do it:

    Be Realistic

    Yes, you’re a mother now, but you are still an individual that has her own needs. Recognize that being a great mother has nothing to do with being a superhero. Never feel you have to go it alone. Be realistic and understand that everyone needs help now and then.

    Be Honest

    Stop trying to be the greatest mother who has ever lived and do everything by yourself. When a family member or friend asks how you’re doing, be honest with them. Let your loved ones know you are feeling exhausted and stressed and could use some help.

    Have someone watch your baby for an hour so you can get out of the house. Or have them watch the baby so you can simply clean the house.

    You may also want to keep a list of household tasks posted somewhere, such as laundry, washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, and have your loved one pick something from the list to take off your plate.

    Be Flexible

    When asking others for help, make it known that you appreciate others are busy and you would be happy to get their help whenever works for them. If this means the recycling doesn’t get packed up and taken to the center until Wednesday afternoon, that’s fine. If you’re the one asking for help, you’ll have to be a bit flexible with WHEN you receive it.

    Be Safe

    If you are suffering from postpartum symptoms it is incredibly important that you ask for help. Lingering feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, fatigue, and hopelessness need to be addressed.

    If you or a loved is suffering from postpartum depression and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

    Filed Under: New Mother

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